cornered in a coffee shop

SHE sat cornered in a coffee shop, sipping bitter coffee with hints of sweetness from the soy milk she added to it, she does this every time. laptop open and shit every where, phone laid out, umbrella, journal, jacket, purse, books etc. while the rain pours down, whether heavy or light it has been nonstop. people in their cars glued to their smartphones drive past the window, waiting for their cup of caffeine, their morning fix, their drug. a latina woman walks up to the table and begins talking, looking out the window. “blah blah blah she needs to go home,” she laughs and then walks away. the barista calls the name “albert” a second time this morning. either azusa is filled with many alberts or the same guy keeps ordering coffee. that happens to be my father’s name, maybe i should pray for him. back to the latina woman. i am convinced demons whisper knowledge into the ears of susceptible people (maybe). or, people have super susceptibility to those around them and psychic abilities can be pulled from reading the energy from people. some people are prophetic. my nephew has this ability. last night i thought my brain was going to malfunction. i was afraid i was going to have another manic episode. it would have been a year ago march 24 when i had the melt down and subsequent hospitalization. i prayed that i would just sleep so i can heal, and not go into a manic state. i believe it was hypomanic which is less severe, but still frightening, as i do not nor will ever go into a manic state again. i do not want to live my life fighting this demon but it appears that it is something i must do. by taking care of my health. combating stress with peace and prayer. the broken sleep from my loud ass housemate is not helping. poverty. you need money for everything in this fucking capitalist piece of shit society, even silence. but the body is a complex and wonderful thing. i will be okay. i will not live in fear, and don’t, despite my bouts of doubt and anxiety. life is good, God is good and i am tired.

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